If I was...

There are many people who will actually feel like slapping me when they read this title but I honestly couldn't control my self. I often wonder what it's like to be something else...someone else. In the past I have to admit it's something I've thought about alot, just because it's always easier to imagine being happier on the other side where the grass is supposedly greener. Sometimes the things that happen to me are overwhelming and instead of just dealing with it I back away, block and pretend it's not happening. I go to so many places, some happy like lalala land and sometimes I don't really go anywhere I just surrender and let myself get consumed by the bitterness, anger and saddness. So to get out of this I think to myself if i was... 

If I was an animal I would be a yellow blue birdy..... 

If I was a place I would be Rome .....

If I was an ice cream Iwould be zababy bl toot......

If I was a website I would be yky21.blogspot.com :P (It took me a very long time to find a suitable answer to that one)

Asking myself all these questions, thinking of other things I could or would be was so much easier than facing up to the truth. I didn't even consider that I could just be myself and stop questioning.. stop asking if I was. I was willing to look and waste time thinking of all the possibilities of things I could be instead of accepting myself and acknowledging that I am a person worth being. In a way it was too painful because to consider myself as an option I would have had to escape from the denial I had wrapped myself in. I would have had to feel the full impact of everything I was meant to feel , something I felt I was to fragile to do. 

When I ask myself this question now I can still think of a million and one answers but  I've chosen one final and definte answer. 

If I was anyone or anything ...I would be me.

Because it doesn't matter how much I wish I was someone else, I'll always just be me. I can't change my circumstances though there are many times I wish I could and I can't change the person I've become. All I can really do is be brave, try to deal with things and be myself. I just have to figure out who I am exactly. :D

I'm not really sure if this has made any sense but it's what I felt like writing. :D